Calvin, Memoirs of

It's been a while since I posted something here on my blog. Not that I was extremely busy but somehow the interest to blog didn't really dawn on me lately. I don't really know. Anyway, what I'm gonna share this time are, basically, insights of my experiences. I really had a lot of things going on and I sure learned much from them.

 

I wasn't reallly interested in it at first. I was one of the persons who always thought that a lot of people overreacted when they went through this stage of their life. I never thought I would eventually find myself exuding the same “overreactions” I thought I wouldn't have in the past, not only from my personal experiences but from other persons' experiences as well, particularly friends and classmates.

 

I know it would be a bit or should I say very vague to jump immediately to the insights without sharing the entire story. But I think you'll eventually get the picture of what I'm talking about as you go on reading. I'd rather not share the story to you explicitly so as to create a thrill and excitement on your part, to shake your mind as well as to what this whole thing really is about. Hehe.

 

I don't know if I will be able to share all of them but I will try. I don't even know if words are enough for me to be able to elucidate them.

 

Okay, here it goes. I've learned that when “it” comes to your life, you really have to prepare for certain difficulties and emotional pains. It's like a bliss pill at first, that when you take it in, you experience unlimited happiness. But eventually, holes start to appear in that perfect picture. It's not gonna be a walk in the park forever, as they say. A lot of problems like several differences start sprouting, which you thought would not be a problem. But hey, they actually did become a problem. Then you start to demand for something. You start to demand for changes. You start negotiating just to settle things over. But without your knowledge it only becomes worse. It becomes worse whenever situations highlight your differences, things that you really won't be able to come up with a compromise on. Things get worse everyday and there's just no other way but to end it. Then you start going separate ways thinking that both of you are better off without each other, thinking that both of you will be able to move on easily and start over.

 

But just when you thought you had already moved on, you suddenly realize that “it”'s still there. It has always been there and the both of you are just trying to avoid it.Then you start to miss each other. You start missing how it was like to be with each other's company. Things start to get good again and the whole story starts over. At this point however, when things get bad, this is where certain realizations come in. You begin thinking about it as something which both of you cannot succeed on, something that both of you will have to give up on. One starts to completely move on and find another. Maybe the other does as well.

 

Perhaps it's a lot safer not to give so much just yet especially when you know it's too soon for it. People tend to give so much for something they initially want but end up disappointed and frustrated for not getting the outcome they expected to have. You start blaming the world for your failure. You start believing that the world is unfair and that it intentionally makes people suffer. Indeed, the world is unfair. The things you desire the most you don't get that easily or you don't get at all. Perhaps the world really works that way. Perhaps the world isn't being unfair. Maybe it's just how it works. I know that was a bit confusing right there about the world being fair or unfair. Haha

 

I think you already get the picture of what I'm talking about by now. What I can tell you is that “it” will not go easy on you. It may be the best gift of life but it's not that easy to get and it's not easy to deal with. It can affect you in a lot of ways. As for me, I was able to do things I never thought I would do before, or even go to extents I never thought I would reach. That's how powerful it is. It makes you do things you never imagined yourself doing. I think some part of me even got changed because of it. I lost my trust on some people because of it. Other people got devalued because I thought it was more valuable, that it was something I needed to put more time and attention to. Of course I was wrong, wrong in a sense that I got too engrossed by it, that I attended to equally important things less than I should have. But now I've learned. And I'm not afraid to take on possible situations associated with it. I think I already know how to efficiently handle it. There's no point being afraid to try. Just make sure you won't regret trying. I'm sure I'll get my reward someday. I hope you get yours too. ^^,

 

Unfair, yes, the world is. But it's still beautiful. Might as well enjoy it.

 

One of these days

One of these very ordinary days

Your going to call my name

And I won't be there

After the days

After these very,very many days

Your going to see the light

And I won't be there

And on that day

Some how I'll find the strength to stay away

I won't give in

I will not let myself be taken in

Again oh no my friend

One of these days

Out of the blue you'll start remembering

And I won't care

Cause I won't be there

Oh and on that day

I swear I'll find the strength somehow to stay away

I won't give in

I will not let myself be taken in

Again oh no my friend

Thats what I say

Thats what I tell myself I won't give in

So try it someday and you'll see that I won't be there

No you know, you know I won't be there

One of these,one of these,one of these days

I won't be there

That'll give you a clue on what I'm going through right now. Damn, it's really hard. But I'm succeeding, I think.

Oh well, I think it's about time I share something. I'm in a danger zone right now, as far as school is concerned. I think I'm gonna fail most of my subjects. A lot of things negatively affected my focus. Of course, debate is one of them and other stuff about teenage crisis. I wouldn't even want to study anymore because everything is just too heavy for me right now.

What really worries me is the possibility of failing. I've never gotten a failing grade before, but this time, I don't think it's just one failing grade, it'll be a set of failing grades.

    

    

Well, first off, I'm glad that Maam Mara and Kuya Philip went all the way to the Grand Finals. Although they didn't really bag the Championship, it was already enough that an IIT team got there.

 

The mode that was used was British Parliamentary - 2 speakers for each team. My partner was  Ate Ara, and I was very satisfied with our team, however, due to some unfortunate circumstances, we got kind of off our game. But over all, we treasure the experience and the new friends we've gained.

 

We were MSU-IIT E, not because we were the weakest of course, but because that was the letter Ate Ara drew from the pieces of papers that had the letters "A" to "E" on them. So, we were the official team E of MSU-IIT.

 

So now, let's talk about the Elimination rounds.

 

First Round: This House believes that multinational corporations should be held liable for the actions of their subcontractors in the third world.

 

The first round was a total disaster.

We were the Closing Opposition.

 

We were ranked last among the 4 teams.

 

1.     ADDU B

2.     ADZU C

3.     FSUU A

4.     MSU-IIT E

 

We were really disappointed in the decision of the adjudicators. Their justification was that my case was not well-founded and I focused too much on rebuttal. We just couldn't accept the verdict for that reason. Perhaps if it was justified through case weighing, then we could havea ccepted it. But to place us last just because I had too much rebuttal? I really felt that it was unfair for them to do so. I concede that I started my case around the 6th minute already. But still, I tried my best to make them understand the whole thing, and I think I clearly explained it to them. Although I was already running out of time when I started my case, it was not fair for them to disregard it altogether. Even rebuttals have substantive matter in them, why can't they credit that and the separate case I had? Why put aside everything I argued? Then I realized they were newbie adjudicators. They were new to adjudicating a debate. They couldn't even express themselves well in English. How do you expect me to trust them? Even ADDU B found the decision unjustified. Although I think it was right to make them(ADDUB) win, the decision had to be justified. That's why we gave the chair adjudicator a "1" in the scoresheet, which is tantamount to a lowes trating for an adjudication and a complaint against that adjudicator.Our reason was "very insufficient justification". We thought it was the right thing to do then and we never regretted encircling that number "1" in the scoresheet. Serves you right! So then, in terms of points we had a 0. Others got 2, 1, or so. Surprisingly, Maam Mara's team also got a 0 on that round. They said they also had problems with their adjudicator. So even in the first round of eliminations, we already thought everything was politicized, that the name of the institution already had something to do with the decisions.

 

 

2nd Round: This House believes that physicians should have the sole right to determine treatment for terminally-ill patients.

 

This was not one of our best performances.

We were the Opening Government. We only had 15 minutes to prepare. Expectedly, I had a messy set-up and argumentation.

 

I only had one argument and tried making a meta-argument in the middle of the speech. I was glad Lee, our adjudicator, got it, although I must concede the set-up was not really clear and it lacked a sense of hard-line. Even the entire Opposition misrepresented our set-up and our case. Their last speaker even tried to blame us for the messy debate we had - "If we get low scores in this round, we must blame the Opening Government."----- yeah, really infuriating right there.

 

So after the debate, Lee ranked us 3rd. We appreciated his discussion on how the debate went and how the two sides argued. Although I didn't agree with him on some points and he ranked us second to the last, his justification was so clear and fairly reasonable. We gave him a perfect score in the scoresheet. He was the best adjudicator we had in the entire competition. Then, our team already had 1 point.

 

3rd Round: This house regrets the effects of telenovelas on our national consciousness.

 

This round was quite easy.

We were Opening Opposition. I liked this position better than Opening Government. At least, you wouldn't be blamed for a messy set-up.

 

In our preparation time, we expected telenovelas to be those local "soap operas" of Philippine television i.e. May Bukas Pa, Pangako Sa'yo,Tayong Dalawa, etc. But when the Prime Minister spoke, he said  the debate was about foreign telenovelas i.e. Boys Over Flowers, Meteor Garden, and the like. Of course, I had to scrap the entire case I prepared and made an instant case instead. Luckily, I was able to argue my stand well. I even had effective rebuttals, so did Ate Ara. We really gave our best on that round because we badly needed more points to proceed to the Octo-finals. Yeah! We got 1st place this time! The adjudicators said our stand was not defeated throughout the entire debate. That really boosted our self-esteem. We were so happy because we then had 4 points!

 

 

4th Round: This House believes that Palestine should demilitarize in exchange for a guaranteed sovereign state.

 

Again, we were Opening Opposition. We were glad we knew a bit about the Palestine issue.

 

We argued that demilitarization would make Palestine vulnerable to attacks and the propensity that Israel's ulterior motives would come into the picture, considering that there's no great assurance for Israel to cooperate once demilitarization happens. On the downside, however, we were not able to discuss thoroughly on our alternative solution. We said we would continue efforts in the status quo which is a transitionary process to having a better Palestine. But we didn't really discuss how effective that would be as compared to demilitarization. That's why Closing Opposition capitalized on that lapse we had and took the advantage of discussing that instead. So there, we ranked 2nd, which we thought was fairly reasonable. Then, we had 6 points!

 

 

5th Round: This House believes that women have been harmed by the Philippine Left.

 

Again, Opening Opposition. Haha

My Leader-of-Opposition skills were really put to the test in the eliminations.

 

The Opening Government was kind of weak in set-up and argumentation. So, as the leader of the Opposition, that's what I capitalized on. I highlighted their flaws and lapses in my rebuttals. Ate Ara also fortified our case and killed the arguments of the other side even more. What's funny was that I used Katrina Halili as an example of women empowerment. I tried to twist the negative perception of what happened to her to something positive, that it was something constructive not just to her but for women in general. I think that really flew for the adjudicators because in this round, we placed 1st once more! Ate Ara and I were really glad that our efforts really paid off.

Then, we already had 9 points! We were sure to proceed to the Octo-finals! (you must have at least 8 points to proceed to the Octo-finals.)

 

6th Round: This House would tie up economic aid with population-control policies.

 

We were Opening Government this time.

Again, 15 mins. was too short for us to prepare well.

 

My set-up was fair and I think it was clear. Although I really had a hard time explaining in my argumentation the link between economic aid and population control. It was quite a long explanation, so much so that our stand was not anymore highlighted in the debate. Ate Ara was able to explain it though in her speech about our argument on "long-term sustainability". With that lapse, I think ADDU B immediately capitalized on that and took the conclusion and highlighting parts. We ranked 3rd in this round, although we didn't really agree. But there was nothing we could do. The decision was irrevocable. But we were glad that our breaking-to-the-octofinals was already sure. Then, we had 10 points.

 

 

7th Round: This house would ban Gender-Rehabilitation Centers for homosexuals.

 

Woah! Finally, the last round of the eliminations. Seven rounds of debate would really drain every single bit energy you have.

 

We were Closing Opposition. We were going against MSU-IIT team D, closing government.

 

Ate Ara and I both gave our best, considering that this was the last of the eliminations. We argued that banning Gender-Rehab Centers would deprive homosexuals, who desire to change themselves, the avenue to do so, that they would suffer from mental and emotional agitations if they were not given this avenue. We placed 1st in this round! Woah! That was really a reward for us after the exhausting 7 rounds.

 

 

Octo-finalRound: This House believes that the state should prioritize the funding of education that suits the needs of the economy.

 

We were Closing Opposition. We really liked being Closing Opposition. It would give us time to objectively assess the debate. Jedi-mind, as they say.

 

Gica, the chief adjudicator of the tourney, was our adjudicator this time.The set-up and argumentation of the Prime Minister was not really strong especially that they were not able to establish the link between agriculture and SME courses and the upliftment of the economy, which was their main burden in the debate. What we argued was the multifactorial characteristic of the economy, that economy is dependent not only on one sector but on all sectors. That's why the state should not displace or discriminate against other courses just to uplift the economy because economic status should be based on all sectors, not just on one sector. So there, we placed 1st in that round. We were the only ones who got the average to above-average scores. Ate Ara was the best speaker then. I was.5(point 5) short to her score. We were satisfied with Gica's adjudication and appreciated the tips she gave on how we should have substantiated our arguments better. We then proceeded to the quarter-finals.

 

Quarter-final Round: This house would not protect religion-sponsored hate speeches.

 

This was the worst verdict we received inthe entire tourney.

We were Closing Opposition. ADDU A was the Opening Opposition.

 

Opening Opposition argued merely on principle. They argued that freedom of expression/freedom of religion should be respected because no tangible harm is involved, that words don't hurt and that it forwards discourse.When someone speaks bad of someone/something, another person can easily respond to that. Their argument was for hate-speeches in general.

 

Our case was an on-the-ground analysis. We argued that in the event that so-called religion-sponsored hate speeches would not be protected, we would be giving the state the power to crackdown on what the Church says. We characterized the Church as an entity that is politically active. It's involved in campaigns that incite social activism. It helps people see problems in the society and problems especially in the government that need to be addressed i.e. corruption and bribery scandals. Once you give the state the power to crackdown on these hate speeches, you give the state a silencing tool for the Church. This would open the floodgates to abuse. The State would use this leverage for its own advantage so that the Church could not throw allegations or accusations to it anymore. Once the Church is silenced, we cripple one of the strongest watchdogs of the government. That was our case!

 

At the end of the round, we thought we got 1st place. We were even so sure of our case then. We could barely accept 2nd place that time. Guess what? We were placed last among the four teams. Whaaaaaaaaaaat??! Thatcase of ours was for last place?! You've got to be kidding me!! The justification of our adjudicator was not even reasonable. I really felt depressed that time. I felt that we were intentionally being kicked out of the competition.

 

 

Semi-final Round: This House regrets the commercialization of environmental causes.

 

CLEAR WIN FOR MSU-IIT B!!

 

Of course, our team was not here anymore. But we watched the round where Maam Mara's team was in. They were the Opening Opposition.

 

Kuya Philip's speech was already very strong. He entirely changed the standards set by the government. The entire case of the Opening Opposition was that commercialization turns something so big of a concern to something little so much so that the public can now appreciate it, in the form of recycled bags for sale, for example. It turns something vague to something concrete. Commercialization proliferates the idea that even in our own little way, we can help the environment. Also, it helps boost the efforts of environmentalists because the environmental cause is now being seen on television. It reaches a lot of people through the media. Maam Mara's performance was particularly stunning and remarkable. Although her rebuttals and substantive material intermingled, it was really a clear win for them already during her entire speech. They ranked 1st on that round according to Gica's adjudication. They really performed very well. That knocked MSU-Marawi B and ADZU C out of the competition. Even ADDU A's status during that round was not really sure. In fact, the decision on ADDU A proceeding to the Grand Finals was not unanimous.

 

Final Round: This House would not support democracies born out of military revolution.

 

Opening Government's argumentation was not really that strong. Their set-up was that UN would not give recognition to those democracies born out of military revolution. Kuya Philip was able to respond to it through relevant argumentation. They were the Opening Opposition in that round.They argued that whatever way they used to achieve democracy is okay as long as they were able to achieve democracy. They even argued that UN was in no position to demand that kind of prerequisite because it even uses military action for certain purposes like "War on Terrorism", for example, or even deployment of troops in Myanmar or Afghanistan. What's even more dangerous is that, when you don't give recognition, you're closing that country's doors to avenues that could help the country, especially the people, uplift their condition. It would only exacerbate the situation once this happens. ADDU A, closing opposition, capitalized on the people as important stakeholders and how they would be harmed. They were able to explain it better and thoroughly. I think that's why they bagged the Championship because their case was clear-cut and it was explained well.

 

To summarize, it was an excessively taxing competition. I even got ill after the competition, but despite all the politics and some infuriating aspects of the competition, the experience we all gained was really great, and this is one of the competitions I will never forget. Special thanks to Butuan for the brilliant accommodation.

Here'sa poem I want to share. The message is kind of alarming or shocking but it's reflective of what's happening to people's lives on the ground. It's short but the meaning is quite deep.

As I stand upon this rocky cliff

On the edge as sharp as a knife

One false move, a small misstep

Foaming seas await my downfall

Deep dark waters, cradling the unknown

Thrashing; curling; never ceasing

Reaching; beckoning; tempting; begging

One small step and all falls down

The lord of the seas, he lies awake

Staring at me with a smirk on the face

The moment I make that grave mistake

He opens his arms and welcomes me

It's really unusual to think that someone is much closer to his friends than he is to his family.

I have my family at home. I have my friends in school and sometimes,outside school. These two places are the most influential places in my life nowadays. And yes, I think I am much closer to my friends than to my parents or any family I have. Actually, if I could, I would spend the whole week with them without even going home. When I'm with my friends, I feel secure. When I'm at home, I feel terrible.

It's kind of unfair how things naturally go. You don't get to choose your family when you enter the world. Because of that, the family becomes a bunch of people that you just have to deal with, because no matter what you do, you're stuck with them for the rest of your life. Friends, however, are people whom you choose to be with. Perhaps that's why I like them more than I like my family - precisely because I chose them and not because I had no choice but to accept them.

Enjoyment is mostly what I get from my friends. They make me laugh and enjoy every moment to the fullest. There were also sad moments, of course, but they are greatly outweighed by our happy times together.

On the other hand, what I've gotten from my family are meager happy moments and enormous sad and even terrible moments. Lately, what I get are daily repeating censures from my mother which somehow translate to verbal and psychological abuse, stupid and far-out thoughts from my brother who doesn't seem to care about what's happening around him, insincere cries of my bedridden grandmother, and a gloomy aura from ourseemingly slow-learner house helper.

The only things that make me cope with this situation are playing computer games, and most importantly, my friends. I stay with them to enjoy. I play online games to make myself forget the harsh realities of this world. If it hadn't been for them, I would have exploded out of misery.

Home, sometimes, isn't always as great as how it's described in the cliche "There's no place like home." Sometimes, it just isn't the best place to be in. The make-believe that everything's alright is slowly killing me everyday. This hatred I have within seems to perpetuate. And I get dismayed that I can't just have them out of my life simply because I still depend on them.

Sometimes, I would wish they weren't my family. I'd think that I would have chosen other parents if I had been given the chance to do so, that if only they weren't my family, I would have had a better life.

I want a family that I could depend on for comfort, that I can run to in times of trouble and sadness, that I can open up to to ease emotional distress.

I hope, someday, I could live my life the way I want to. But for now, I have to face it. I have to live the life I never wanted

Everyone wants a good life for himself, especially in the Philippines where affluence is rarely seen. Everyone wants to end up successful in life and have his dreams come true. Most children in my country are unfortunate for having to go through several difficulties just to get what they want. And I tell you, most of them want education. They just don't seem to but I know they want it. On the bright side, however, some families have enough to send their children to school. I'm glad I belong to that small segment of our society. I don't belong to the affluent zone but at the very least, I'm now taking up my college education in the field of Engineering and I think that's already something any Filipino should be proud of.

In a world where success seems to be unfathomable, education seems to be the most convenient vehicle to ride to get there.

I used to tell everybody that I would soar the skies with flying colors and make everything go the way I wanted. But now, everything's so gloomy without a shade of light. I used to think that college was a relief after the exhaustion of highschool. I thought I would finally get to enjoy playing and laughing my heart out with the vacant hours I'd have in my schedule. I just realized I was completely wrong especially that I'm under the fearsome engineering college.

I often ignored people saying engineering college was a "kamang-kamang" scenario; that you'd still have to suffer your way through. And I've come to realize they really were wrong. In fact, "kamang-kamang" scenario is such an understatement of what's happening to me now.

I know I should be thankful and grateful for whatever I have right now - although it's difficult, at least I have something others long to have. But now, I just want to stop! to end this misery I'm going through. I want to dump everything like a crumpled paper thrown to the trash can. I want everything to vanish in an instant and regret that I stepped into an educational institution! A lot of people became successful without a friggin formal education anyway! Who knows, I could be one of them!

I always wanted to balance my studies and recreational activities or practically put more time on recreation (I enjoy it more of course.). But now, even if I want to, I just can't. Academically speaking, everything is just too demanding for me; that I barely have time to enjoy other things. Before, I'd play Conquer Online for like 5 hours a day. But lately, I just spend time to check on it and exit it few minutes later. I don't get to enjoy my life anymore as I did before.

It's punitive. It's excruciating. Nothing could be much worse than what I'm going through right now. 

"Terrible" would be too benign to describe me at this point in time. It's hell; sooooo hell.

It was September 29. It was the Fiesta Day of my very own hometown, IliganCity. Households would prepare several dishes on the table and inviterelatives and other people to come by and eat. As usual, we preparedseveral dishes - Shrimp, Lechon Baka, Lechon Baboy, Lechon Manok,Kinilaw, Papait, and several desserts. The maid left for her hometown.Great, so we had to prepare the dishes by ourselves. My relatives,nevertheless, sent one person all the way from Baroy to help us preparethe dishes. So the brunt of having to prepare everything became lighterthan it was before. It was 10:30 am and we were waiting for thevisitors to arrive. Expecting that the visitors would arrive at 12:00,I took a bath and groomed myself for some expected visitors. And thenthe visitors/relatives came. They weren't really many. And I was gladto see that. We ate with them and talked about random things. After acouple of hours, they left and again, I was glad to see that. haha. Myfriends had always asked me if they could come by our house. Of course, they were interested in the food. They had already visited our house last fiesta and it was fun. Then they were about to start another fun activity again. When they came, I was really surprised. Before there were only 5 of them, then, there were already 7. I was like "wow! are they going to have another 2 next year?" haha. When they entered the house,they ate A LOT! haha. as if they never had breakfast and lunch. After eating, we called a friend in Manila.We were happy to hear her voiceagain after a couple of months. She was one of our best friends. After that call we made, we watched Highschool Musical 2, however, they didn't finish the movie for it was getting late then. They decided to go at almost 9pm and they thanked me and my family for the food. haha. Besides those things, everything was trivial and wouldn't interest you anymore.

I don't wanna bore you, so I'll end it here.

Sorry for the unorganized events. Iwas really tired while typing this. After everything that happened, Ididn't want to do anything but blog and sleep. I think this is the worst of my blogs so far. haha

I'm off to sleep now!

 

Woah! I really had a very busy week. That's why I haven't placed anything newin my site yet. My studies always get in the way. I don't get to enjoy other more enjoyable things because they're highly demanding as far as my time, attention, concentration and other things are concerned. Well, to hell with them.. .

Nevertheless, allow me to have a some sort of summary of the interesting events that happened to me.Firstof all, I just had another Math long test this morning. Finally, I wasable to answer it. I'm a bit confident with my answers. I stayed up until 4am studying the subject so I hope this could be the start of a "prosperous" journey in Math. Moreover, I hope I'll pass the subject.

We had a debate on the motion "This House believes that UK should abolishits nuclear arsenal." I was really caught off guard for I didn't expect the motion. Another factor that added pressure to it were the Chemical Engineering students who were there to watch our debate. Expectedly, I had all these panic attacks for I would be the first to speak as the Prime Minister of the debate. My partner then was Kuya Justin. We didn't know what to argue regarding the motion and why it was UK that the motion talked about. Then, the horrible thing of presenting a "dog show" occurred when I already spoke in front. There were barely a few sentences written on the papers I was holding while speaking. I didn't even know what to talk about as I really wasn't prepared then to debate on that particular motion. I really felt ashamed of myself. Hello?! We're the Debate Varsity and we presented them a below-average debate.It certainly degraded our esteem as a varsity. During the adjudication though, Ma'am Mara(our coach) said my speech was okay but she said I looked absolutely uncertain of what I was saying-- which of course was true! haha! As always, she didn't announce winners. She was there merely to adjudicate but not to declare winners. We were glad our debate practices go that way though, because we would always feel neither side deserved the word "winner" everytime we practice.

It was a terrible moment when I was standing by the door of room 201 in which I was supposed to have my Biology class. In our previous meeting, our teacher announced that there would be a test on our next meeting. After that announcement, I really instigated myself to perfect the oncoming test. I studied really hard, memorized highfalutin terms and definitions, and familiarized different processes. On the day the test was gonna be given, I came to school so late! 30 minutes late! When I got to the door of room 201, I hesitated opening the door. I thought of the embarassment I would get from my classmates and my teacher. Apart from that, they were having the test! How much more of an embarrassment could I actually get if I entered the room?! Because of that, I decided not to enter the class, miss the test, and waste all my efforts of studying really hard!